Our First First-Round Winner

The results of our first "Who's Not" matchup are now official. And in our first final result, we have a major upset: #1 seed Tiger Woods has been ROUTED by the #8 seed Tony Romo.

(Please be reminded that the seedings were determined by my subjective determination of the person's degree of ESPN exposure. Hence, upsets will probably not be unlikely.)

The final result: ROMO--92%, WOODS--8%

This means that Tony Romo will move on to the semi-finals of the Chris Berman Region. He will take on the winner of the Shaquille O'Neal/Dale Earnhardt Jr. matchup. But based on his impressive first round performance, Romo has emerged as one of the early favorites to win it all. We shall see.

Matchup 12: Brady Quinn vs. Daisuke Matsuzaka

BRADY QUINN--CREDENTIALS

• Heisman Trophy finalist
• Led Notre Dame to back-to-back BCS appearances
• Stunk up the joint in 2006 when Notre Dame played Michigan, USC and LSU (completed less than 50 percent of his combined passes in those games--outscored by combined 73 points)
  
• Notre Dame outscored by combined 41 points in his two BCS games
• Beneficiary of the ESPN/Notre Dame Hype Machine
• Labeled by ESPN as a "franchise quarterback" and a top-three draft pick
• He went 22nd
• Apparently he and his agent don't realize he went 22nd
• ESPN turned the 2007 NFL Draft into "The Brady Quinn Show"
• The baby photos in the Browns uniform during the draft
• JaMarcus Russell, a fellow quarterback who beat Quinn head-to-head by a score of 41-14, went first in the draft. But the draft was still "The Brady Quinn Show"
• ESPN badly misjudged his draft position. Then ESPN used that personal error in judgment to label Quinn "The Story of the Draft"
• Quinn had to be taken out of the NFL Draft Green Room to protect him from ESPN cameras. Many viewers wish they could be protected from ESPN's Brady Quinn hype

DAISUKE MATSUZAKA--CREDENTIALS

• One of Japanese baseball's best pitchers
• MVP of the World Baseball Classic
• Subject of outrageous bidding war between Yankees, Red Sox, and others (not to sign him--to get the RIGHTS to sign him)
  
• He is having a very good rookie season with the Red Sox
• Beneficiary of the ESPN/Scott Boras Client Hype Machine
• Also known as "Dice-K Mania"
• The "gyroball" debate
  
• His "arrival" in the US similar to David Beckham's in terms of hype
• His first start in Fenway was treated like the arrival of royalty or the Pope
• While hyping Dice-K in his first start, ESPN almost missed opposing pitcher Felix Hernandez throwing a one-hitter against the Red Sox
• His "mix tape" was scheduled to go on sale last month
  

Matchup 11: Brett Favre vs. Tony Parker

BRETT FAVRE--CREDENTIALS

• Super Bowl champion
• Was NFL's MVP for three straight years
  
• Holds NFL record for most consecutive starts for a quarterback
• Like Roger Clemens, he has helped "non-news" become a staple of ESPN news programming (Our top story tonight, Brett Favre STILL hasn't retired)
• ESPN now entering its third year of the "Brett Favre Farewell Tour" (Tonight could be Favre's last........). He's having more farewell tours than the Rolling Stones
  
• He's the "other half" of Michael Strahan's dubious single-season sack record. Therefore, he helped move along the Michael Strahan Publicity Machine
• Used connections at ESPN to try and strong-arm Packer management to trade for Randy Moss

TONY PARKER--CREDENTIALS

• MVP of 2007 NBA Finals
• Two-time NBA All Star
• Has never made an All NBA team
  
• Second-best player on his own team. Some people even argue he's third-best
• Gets to be famous because he's married to Eva Longoria
• Parker/Longoria a match made in Disney Synergy Heaven
• "Desperate Housewives," Sundays on ABC!
  

Matchup 10: Roger Clemens vs. Pacman Jones

ROGER CLEMENS--CREDENTIALS

• One of the greatest pitchers of all time
• More than 350 wins
• Seven Cy Young Awards
• Struck out 20 batters in a game twice
• Struck out over 4,000 batters
• Clemens and ESPN have turned "non-news" into an art form (Our top story tonight: Roger Clemens STILL hasn't decided if he'll pitch this year)
• Greg Maddux is only 11 wins behind Clemens (at last check), and Maddux made his MLB debut 2 years after Clemens--but he doesn't get anywhere near the attention
• Is making $28 million this year. So far he has 3 wins in 13 starts
• This story is usually buried by ESPN, due in part to the Alex Rodriguez Hype Machine
• So are the steroid allegations. But allegations against Barry Bonds aren't
• Clemens's minor league starts are aired live on ESPN

PACMAN JONES--CREDENTIALS

• Sixth overall pick in 2005 NFL Draft
• Scored four touchdowns last year, playing only on defense and special teams
• Legal problems too numerous to mention
• Suspended for the year by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell
• Coverage of his legal problems and suspension dominated ESPN coverage for months (only to be surpassed by Michael Vick's problems)
• Currently ESPN's "poster person for bad behavior" (along with Vick)
  
• ESPN used Pacman Jones's "mug shot" for its official "over the shoulder" graphic on SportsCenter