MICHAEL VICK--CREDENTIALS
- Number-one pick in 2001 NFL Draft
- Led VA Tech to BCS Championship Game in 1999 season
- Led Falcons to 2004 NFC Championship Game
- Ran for 1,000 yards in a season as a quarterback
- Nike spokesperson
- Ron Mexico
- Giving the finger to the crowd
- Dog fighting accusations
- On ESPN, the games themselves are often ignored in favor of wall-to-wall coverage of his legal problems
- Rarely criticized for being an inconsistent passer (to say the least)
- ESPN analysts consistently blame his low completion percentage and lack of accuracy on his wide receivers
- One of a very small number of female race car drivers
- Sex symbol
- Numerous endorsements
- "GoDaddy Girl"
- Has never actually won a race
- Let me repeat: she has never actually won a race
- One more time: SHE HAS NEVER ACTUALLY WON A RACE
- ESPN ate up phony "Danica to NASCAR" rumors in 2006
- Used connection to David Letterman to help become famous, and then threw him and Letterman Rahal Racing under the bus and joined the Andretti team
- Apparently it wasn't all Letterman/Rahal's fault. She still hasn't won a race
- Unapologetically (on both sides) the only IndyCar driver ESPN cares about
- Did I mention that she has never won a race?
- Accidentally parked in Dan Patrick's parking space
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