Monday, August 6, 2007

Matchup 7: Michael Vick vs. Danica Patrick

MICHAEL VICK--CREDENTIALS

  • Number-one pick in 2001 NFL Draft
  • Led VA Tech to BCS Championship Game in 1999 season
  • Led Falcons to 2004 NFC Championship Game
  • Ran for 1,000 yards in a season as a quarterback
  • Nike spokesperson
  • Ron Mexico
  • Giving the finger to the crowd
  • Dog fighting accusations
  • On ESPN, the games themselves are often ignored in favor of wall-to-wall coverage of his legal problems
  • Rarely criticized for being an inconsistent passer (to say the least)
  • ESPN analysts consistently blame his low completion percentage and lack of accuracy on his wide receivers
DANICA PATRICK--CREDENTIALS
  • One of a very small number of female race car drivers
  • Sex symbol
  • Numerous endorsements
  • "GoDaddy Girl"
  • Has never actually won a race
  • Let me repeat: she has never actually won a race
  • One more time: SHE HAS NEVER ACTUALLY WON A RACE
  • ESPN ate up phony "Danica to NASCAR" rumors in 2006
  • Used connection to David Letterman to help become famous, and then threw him and Letterman Rahal Racing under the bus and joined the Andretti team
  • Apparently it wasn't all Letterman/Rahal's fault. She still hasn't won a race
  • Unapologetically (on both sides) the only IndyCar driver ESPN cares about
  • Did I mention that she has never won a race?
  • Accidentally parked in Dan Patrick's parking space

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